Of Snow and Roses Page 5

  Frustrated, she let out a heavy breath. If there was anyone who was more paranoid than Neve, it was Torbin. Still, she would find a way to talk to him at some point. She had a feeling he had at least some of the answers she sought.

  For now, she clutched at the little piece of fur in her pocket and reveled in the fact that－at least in this one particular case－it seemed she wasn’t crazy.

  The next few days left Neve with a lot of time to think. The tedium of day-to-day life at Blackbriar was almost mind-numbing: Breakfast, Group, Lunch, Free Time, One-on-One with Doctor Alberich, Dinner, Bed.

  Lather, rinse, repeat.

  The mystery of the bear remained just that. She hadn’t spotted it since that peculiar night when it had tapped at her window. But no matter how many times she tried to make sense of it, to convince herself that she was making more of it than it was . . . the more convinced she became that the encounter was more—not less—than met the eye.

  Exactly what, however, remained out of her grasp.

  She didn’t tell anyone, not even Doctor Alberich, about the incident. She wasn’t sure exactly why, however. He was her doctor, someone committed to helping her heal, but she couldn’t shake off the feeling that there were some things better kept to herself, at least for now.

  The bear was one. Torbin was the other.

  He continued to watch her from afar but avoided coming close to her at all, let alone give her the opportunity to ask any of the millions of questions she had about Blackbriar and its staff and residents.

  About herself.

  Because Neve had a feeling that Torbin knew more about all of it than she could even imagine . . . but was leery to reveal any of it.

  Not that he could. At least not out loud.

  It was Saturday morning－four days after the bear incident－that something out of her new ordinary finally happened. She came into breakfast and noticed Torbin right away, sitting at his usual table on the far side of the room. His ever-present companion, Tala, however, sat near the door, alone at another table. She ate oatmeal like an automaton, scooping up and swallowing in a slow, even rhythm, her eyes staring off into the distance.

  Neve stopped in surprise, her gaze darting from Torbin to Tala and back again in confusion. When she caught Torbin’s eye, she raised her eyebrows in question, but only got the usual sharp shake of a head in response.

  It was starting to get really annoying. She’d given Torbin his space, but her patience was definitely wearing thin.

  “Enough of this,” she muttered, crossing the room in quick strides until she stood by his table.

  “What’s wrong with Tala?” she asked. “Did something happen?”

  Instead of nodding or shaking his head, Torbin got quickly to his feet, picked up his tray and walked away.

  “Hey! I’m talking to you.” Neve trailed after him, barely resisting the urge to reach out and grab his arm.

  She wasn’t quite brave enough for that yet. The guy was really big.

  He ignored her, set his tray on the counter, and walked out of the room. When she went to follow him into the hall, he whirled on her, eyes blazing.

  “Oh, so I do exist,” she said with a scowl. “I was beginning to wonder.”

  His jaw tightened, and she could tell he was grinding his teeth.

  She glanced over her shoulder and lowered her voice. “I need to know what’s happening around here,” she said. “I have a feeling you know.”

  Torbin tensed even more, if that were possible, but eventually gave a quick, short nod, then a pointed glance to a camera mounted a few feet away.

  “I get it,” Neve said quietly, inching closer to him. “But you can’t keep avoiding me. If you want to stay under the radar, that’s fine. But I need to talk to you.”

  He stared down at her for a long moment, then let out a hissed, irritated breath through his teeth. He gave her one more nod, then turned on his heel and stalked away.

  Neve chose to take that as a good sign, but she decided she wasn’t going to sit idle while she waited for Torbin to find a time for them to talk. Instead, she went back into the common room, got a bowl of cereal and a banana for breakfast, and set her tray next to Tala’s, not even asking before sitting down. Tala turned to her in surprise, a spoonful of oatmeal hovering halfway between her bowl and mouth. Neve was once again struck by the woman’s beauty, her shiny, black hair, high cheekbones, and smooth, tawny skin. Neve felt so pale and plain next to her, a piece of crumpled calico next to rich and vibrant silk. Still, she was on a mission.

  “I don’t think we’ve officially met,” Neve said with a smile. “Well, outside of group, anyway. I know you’re Tala. You’re a friend of Torbin’s, right?”

  The woman didn’t respond for a moment, her deep, brown eyes still slightly unfocused until she blinked, shaking her head as if coming out of a deep sleep.

  “Who?” she asked.

  Neve didn’t know what she’d expected. Perhaps that the two friends had an argument of some kind. But Tala seemed genuinely confused by the question. Then it hit her. Perhaps Tala had a similar condition to Neve herself. Her smile fell.

  “I’m so sorry,” she said. “You don’t remember? You have amnesia, too?”

  The woman dropped her spoon into the bowl with a clatter. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she said. “My memory is fine, not that it’s any of your business.”

  Neve flushed. “Sorry.” Tala was right, after all, but curiosity pushed her to ask, “But are you sure?”

  Tala snorted and stirred her oatmeal before scooping up another bite. “I think I’d know if I lost my memory,” she snapped. “I know who I am, where I am . . . why I’m here. Not that I plan to share any of that with a complete stranger.”

  “But what about Torbin?” Neve asked. “He’s not a stranger. You two have always been together, at least as long as I can remember. But now－”

  “Look.” Tala stood abruptly and picked up her tray. “I don’t know who you are, or who this Torbin is, but I don’t have time for twenty questions, okay? I don’t have any friends in here. I don’t need any friends,” she added pointedly. “So, no offense, but leave me alone, okay?”

  “But－”

  Tala heaved a sigh. “I’m sure you’re dealing with your own stuff,” she said. “Maybe you should ask Doctor Alberich about it? He can probably help.”

  She didn’t wait for Neve’s weak okay, before she turned and stalked away.

  Weird.

  In fact, the weirdness at Blackbriar kept stacking up: Torbin’s secrecy, Lily’s disappearance, and now Tala forgetting Torbin, despite the fact she seemed to remember everything else.

  And on top of that, the whole scratching bear extravaganza. Plus, the delusions that Neve was starting to wonder were really delusions. She didn’t have an alternative theory－not yet－but maybe there were more to them than she thought.

  She sighed and peeled her banana, taking a large bite.

  More questions. She hoped Torbin would at least be able to address some of them if she could ever pin him down.

  Group that morning was the same as usual. Nancy crocheted. Melissa cried. Adam discussed his anger issues. Torbin and Tala sat on opposite sides of the room. He seemed even more tense than usual, and shot a few frustrated looks in Tala’s direction, but she didn’t acknowledge him once. After a quick lunch, Neve walked around the lawn a few times, grateful for at least a little fresh air. The seventeen-year-old, Alice, tried to lure her into a game of volleyball, but Neve wasn’t up for it. Torbin loomed near the edge of the forest looking intimidating and tense.

  But then, that was kind of his usual setting.

  She felt his eyes on her as she ambled along the path, irritated at his constant attention. She couldn’t make heads or tails of it, actually, and cast him a few annoyed glances of her own, hoping to deter him.

  It didn’t work. In fact, the next time she met his gaze, he lifted his chin ever-so-slightly, then jerked his head to the righ
t, turning abruptly to walk into the shadow of the trees. Neve blinked in surprise, then quickly looked around to see if anyone had noticed Torbin’s disappearance. Only Angelica and one of the day orderlies were on duty outside, and they were over by the french doors having some deep conversation of their own and didn’t seem to be paying attention. Neve’s heartbeat quickened, nerves taking flight in her stomach, but she forced herself to keep a slow pace, casually circling the lawn to the spot where Torbin had vanished. With one more quick glance behind her, she stepped into the shadows.

  She hadn’t noticed it, but there was a narrow path between the trees that she followed, her heart in her throat. Was she being impetuous? Definitely. Stupid? Possibly. She was going into the dark forest with a huge man who also happened to be a mental patient.

  Neve was simply asking to be murdered, wasn’t she? Talk about curiosity killing the cat.

  Only a bare trickle of light made it through the canopy overhead, the shadows growing thicker the farther she went. Neve knew she should probably turn around, but there was no way she was going to, so she simply quickened her pace, following the winding trail. How far would it lead? Would there be a wall or fence? Barbed wire and electricity?

  Neve barely held back a shriek when a hand reached out from the darkness and grabbed her arm.

  “For heaven’s sake!” she hissed when Torbin stepped into the weak light from above. “Are you trying to give me a heart attack?”

  She caught a glint of teeth as Torbin grinned at her.

  “It’s not funny,” she muttered.

  His grin fell and he tapped the back of his wrist with two fingers.

  Not much time.

  “Okay, so I have questions－” she began, but he slashed his hand across the air, cutting her off, and tapped at his wrist again, more insistently.

  Neve rolled her eyes. “Okay, fine.” She threw up her hands. “What do you want to talk about?”

  He wrapped one hand around the opposite wrist, then switched to the other.

  Like a pair of bracelets.

  “Tala?” she guessed.

  He nodded. Yes.

  “Do you know what’s wrong with her?”

  Yes.

  “What?”

  Torbin went tense all over and bared gritted teeth. With a groan from deep in his chest, his shoulders fell and he shook his head.

  “Okay then.” Neve sighed. “Do you think she’s in trouble?”

  His eyes went bleak and empty. I don’t know.

  “Can’t you talk to her?” Neve asked, then flushed. “I mean, not talk, but－”

  Torbin shook his head. Firmly.

  “Yeah, she wasn’t really interested in talking to me either.”

  Torbin tilted his head, as if listening, then tapped his wrist again.

  “I know. We’d better get back.” Neve started toward the path, but he reached out and grabbed her elbow, then mimed putting something in his mouth.

  Neve stared blankly at him for a moment, and he repeated the motion.

  “Okay, I don’t remember, but I’m pretty sure I’m bad at charades,” she muttered, sighing when he kept doing the same thing. “Food?” she guessed.

  He shook his head. No.

  “Okay, not food,” she said. “Umm, candy? Water? Uh, what else do you put in your mouth?”

  He pointed at her and nodded. Yes.

  “Something you put in your mouth,” she said.

  He nodded.

  “But not food.”

  He shook his head. No.

  “Not something you eat?”

  No.

  “Something you drink?”

  No.

  “Well, what in the world do you put in your mouth that you don’t eat or drink?” She huffed in frustration. “Gum?”

  He sighed heavily. No.

  “Medicine?”

  He pointed and nodded, a wide smile on his face.

  “Medicine,” she repeated, matching his smile. “Okay, what about it?”

  He shook his head violently.

  “No?” She frowned at him. “No medicine?”

  He nodded.

  “You－” Neve’s eyes narrowed. “Are you telling me not to take my medication?”

  He nodded again. Slowly and emphatically.

  “But why?”

  His head snapped up as if he heard something and he tapped his wrist again before moving past her down the path.

  Out of time.

  “No, wait!” she called out, and he whirled around, pressing a finger to his lips.

  “Sorry,” she whispered. “But I need to ask－”

  He tapped his wrist twice－hard－then pointed back toward the Institute. They’d been gone too long. Someone was going to notice they were missing.

  “Fine, okay.” Neve fell into step behind him as they hurried back down the path. “But I am going to have my questions answered eventually. You might as well accept the fact that I’m not giving up.”

  He grunted－maybe more like a laugh－and once again, Neve wondered how much Torbin knew.

  How well he knew her.

  And the instant that thought crossed her mind, she had a flash of something akin to realization. Acceptance. Something falling into place.

  Before she could dwell too much on it, though, they neared the edge of the forest, and Torbin held up a hand to stop her at the sound of voices.

  “－scratched up my arm, but good. Look at it.”

  Calum was talking to someone, and they were nearing Torbin and Neve. They both moved back silently to be better hidden.

  “She is a wild one,” Angelica replied. “But I don’t think she’ll be causing any more problems.”

  Neve wanted to know who they were talking about, but she held her breath, more worried about getting caught. Neve caught sight of them through the brush and took another step back.

  Crack! She froze as a small branch broke beneath her foot, afraid to move another muscle.

  “Did you hear that?” Calum asked.

  “Hear what?”

  Neve could see them both now, about four feet to the left of the path. Angelica was frantically trying to light a cigarette, red head bowed and hand curled around the flame. Calum was looking to the forest－right in Neve’s direction－his eyes narrowed as he peered into the darkness.

  Could he see her?

  Neve held her breath and closed her eyes. Torbin’s fingers slowly circled her wrist, pressing gently.

  Don’t move. It couldn’t have been any clearer if he’d said the words aloud. His touch reassured her somehow. Comforted her. At least she wasn’t alone.

  Don’t see us. Neve clenched her eyes shut, wishing. Please don’t see us.

  “I could have sworn－” Calum muttered, but a shout from the volleyball game drew his attention, and the pair whirled and hurried over to break up an argument over whose turn it was to serve.

  Neve released a shaky exhale and opened her eyes, peeking around Torbin’s bulky form to see Angelica and Calum turned away from them. Torbin pulled her forward, still gripping her wrist, then pushed her gently toward the path.

  “This isn’t over,” she hissed as she hurried out onto the path bordering the lawn, then slowed to a more leisurely stroll. A few moments later, she heard Torbin do the same, heading away from her. When her heartbeat finally slowed and she dared to look back, he stood leaning against a tree again, arms crossed over his chest as he watched the volleyball game resume.

  She knew she should ignore his advice, of course. The last thing she should do is stop taking the medication prescribed for her by her doctor－medication that was supposed to stop her delusion and help her regain her memory.

  But－

  But that falling-into-place feeling she’d had when she thought that perhaps Torbin might know her? She had the same feeling when she thought about stopping the meds. And although she knew between now and bedtime, she’d argue both sides viciously, leaning first one way, then the other. Deciding to follow Torbin�
�s advice, then vehemently to ignore it.

  In the end, she would do the only thing she could; hide those pills under her tongue and flush them down the toilet.

  That night, she dreamed of Rose.

  Neve found herself lying in the same clearing, below the same barren, towering trees, washed in the same milky, gray shadows. She could feel the dirt and rotting leaves beneath her fingers, the cool air on her skin. It was so vivid, so real . . . so different from any dream she’d ever had before that her guard was down and she didn’t even think of trying to fight off the delusion. Instead, she got to her feet and inhaled the sweet, mossy air, reveling in the quiet sounds of the forest around her.

  It was peaceful. For a moment, she could forget about Blackbriar, about her illness, about Torbin and Lily and Tala and everything that had been weighing so heavily on her mind.

  She could breathe.

  “Neve.”

  She whirled to find Rose standing behind her, in the same white gown, a tentative smile on her face. Now that Neve could study her more closely, Neve saw the resemblance to herself, like a negative image from a camera－the same pale skin dotted with freckles, upturned nose and slightly pointed chin. It was like looking into a mirror except for the dark red hair and fathomless, ebony eyes, and when Neve smiled, Rose did at the same time, accentuating the illusion.

  “I should ignore you and try to wake up,” Neve said. “But it’s kind of nice here.”

  Rose’s smile grew as she looked up at the trees. “It is, isn’t it? Good job.”

  “Good job?” Neve huffed out a laugh. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  Rose met her gaze once again. “Well, I reached out to you, but this－” She waved a hand around her in a slow circle. “This is all you. You created a place where you feel comfortable.”

  “But that－” Neve shook her head. “That doesn’t make any sense. Created it how?”

  Rose frowned. “Wait－You don’t know?”

  At that, a surge of frustration rose up so strong, so vicious, that Neve snapped, “No, I don’t know! I don’t know anything! I don’t know who I am, or where I came from. I don’t know you. I don’t know this place－” She threw up a hand and started to pace angrily. “I don’t know what’s happening to me, or why I’m crazy－”